Tag Archives: babies

Mama of Two or More

 

If you’re a mom, then you know what hard work it is. You are on call 24/7. At any given moment any number of things could go wrong and your juggling act will come crashing down.

Prior to having Levi, I had some anxieties about my new role as a mom of multiples and really wanted to get it all right. Now I realize that there is no “right” way exactly.  You do the best you can and give your kids all that you have.  Depending on what’s going on in your life, that may vary from day to day. I am a social mama so I hear it all, from post-pardum depression, deaths, illnesses, and work responsibilities, the load is not easy. So give yourself a pat on the back if you’ve made it to bedtime, the tots are in their beds and everyone has eaten at least once today.

As I write this, I can’t believe my Baby is not such a baby anymore. We just celebrated Levi’s FIRST birthday! The time flies, serving as a reminder that I must be more intentional with the time I have. one day, I’m going to look back, saying I wish I enjoyed my kids more.

When you have multiple children, especially if they are all under the age of 5, you are dealing with many levels of mobility and needs. So the juggling is real.  Here are some of the lessons I learned from my experience:

Opinions:

Once you have kids, Everyone wants to share their personal opinions and advice, even if you haven’t asked for it. I have learned in the last 4 years to just listen, say “thank you so much”, and after you walk away from that conversation you can take what you want and forget the rest.

Crying is ok!

When you have Your first baby, crying is like an emergency situation, trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong. You try everything all at once: feeding, changing, rocking sleeping, jumping up and down, and the list goes on. When there are 2 you just say, ok, you can cry and sometimes I’ll get to you right away. Other times that’s not possible. It’s totally fine if the baby cries. Number 1 needs a lot more from you emotionally and physically.

Remember who your boss is!

If your a stay at home mom, your husband is your boss. What a privilege! And if your family is like ours, you have made many sacrifices to Stay at home with your kids. When I lack motivation and drive, I just think of my amazing, caring, loving boss. He’s the best support I have and that is what keeps me motivated, knowing that he leaves every morning to hustle and provide for our family. So, my response is that I hustle for my family at home! This segways into my next point…

Forget about nap time, Mama:

Ladies, my kids wake up every morning at 6:30am! Whether we are home, on vacation, it’s the weekend, they are UP! Many times I am exhausted and when I put my kids to nap in the middle of the day, all I would like to do is crawl into bed and lay down for 30mins.  That is a great fantasy, but I need to utilize my time wisely by preparing for the rest of my day (and night). I use this time to clean house, make dinner, make calls.

Train Your Older Children

Before Levi (my second) was born I spent some time training Jonah (my first). From the start I was expecting to have a repeat C-section, so Jonah needed to be as independent as possible. I really believe in talking through circumstances with my children. Every day we spoke about his new role as a big brother and the responsibilities that title came with. I taught Jonah to get in and out of the bath, car seat, take his clothes off, follow simple commands, take his plate to the kitchen, and many other things. On their own, each of these tasks are pretty insignificant but taking 1 small thing off your list makes all the difference when your cup overfloweth.

It’s not always going to be like this

And the best piece of advice that I have ever gotten since becoming a mama, was from my dear husband.  One day he came home to me in tears, listened to my rant, looks at me with so much love and says “babe, it’s not always going to be like this.” Whenever I’m having a rough day, that’s what I think to myself. It’s not always going to be me and 2  little monsters running around town. I’m not always going to be dealing with crying and whining. I won’t always be tired. And one day, I will want so much for someone to need me like my kids need me now. For now, no matter how rough the road is or how hard it is to get by, just be happy with where God has placed you and this glorious blessing of having  children.

There is so much more to being a mama of two or more. Every day our prayer is that God grants us more love, patience, kindness, and mercy. The rest will stream from that!

 

 

 

 

Being A Woman- Fertility

The past year has brought me to my knees time and time again. All of my effort to maintain any ounce of normalcy was halted when my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Cervical Cancer. I have been unable to write
about anything happy or sad. And now I feel like the time is right to reconnect. Its like meeting with a friend you haven’t seen for years. The beginning is awkward because you just don’t know where to start but once you do its like you were never apart.The only logical place to begin is the beginning. When my amazing husband and I were married in March of 2012, we weren’t in any rush to have children because we both thought that when it’s the right time to have children, we will just have them. We compared it to baking a cake, you put all of the correct ingredients together, you have a good nonstick baking dish, a working oven, and the result is a delicious cake. Unfortunately, I came to find out this was not the case for me. I always assumed that fertility issues were connected to factors such as age and specific medical conditions. Everyone seemed to keep any such issues secret, probably to avoid the stigma of being marked an inadequate woman. There is so much guilt associated with not being able to conceive. Society puts this notion in your mind  that being a woman means you should have the ability to pop out babies on demand until menopause. Maybe for some people this is the case, but not for us.

After 9 months of actively trying, we conceived our son Jonah. It was an incredible feeling. I felt so grateful to our Heavenly Father and God for creating this life inside of my womb. The joy overshadowed any pain and suffering we experienced along our path of conception.

Mark and I of course wanted more children, but were expecting to have a similar experience in the conception process for any other pregnancies, if we were to have them. We were amazed to find out that I was pregnant, last May when Jonah was just 11 months and still breastfeeding! Unfortunately, I miscarried at 15weeks. My heart was broken and I had no understanding of why this was happening to me. I never considered that this was an option. It was hard enough not being able to get pregnant when you wanted, but not being able to carry a pregnancy felt even worse. 

I was comforted to find out I became pregnant a few months later, only to hear some familiar bad news at the initial ultrasound. I miscarried again at 6 weeks.

Why am I writing this? Why is it important. I felt like in the beginning of this struggle I was looking for answers everywhere, unfortunately no one seemed to be having the same issues. My friends would just get pregnant as soon as their husband touched them and other childless couples didn’t seem to be trying anyway. It took me some time to be able to find other women to connect with, but in the interim I just felt so alone, helpless, and plagued. “Why ME!” was something I recall hearing often in my head as I was going about my day, noticing that others don’t have these struggles. 
All of this brought me to my knees in prayer, going to the only One who is in control of all things, my Creator and God. I asked Him this same question, just in a different way. I wasn’t asking from a place of entitlement, as if I am such a good person and deserve so much better, and I cannot believe this is happening to ME! Instead, I came to Him in all of my Humility seeking any ounce of grace He would be able share with me. I asked Him: Why is this happening to me? How can I use this for Your good? 

At this point, the veil was lifted and I was shown time and time again the answer to my worries. Why my fertility issues were not in vain. I came to realize there are so many others who are struggling and too scared to speak about. I would share my story and women would share their pains with me. My experience gave me the ability to understand their pain, to cry with them and pray for them knowing how difficult it is. I can’t tell you how many times I have been walking my son to the park while sobbing and praying for other women. Praying for their comfort. We don’t have control over the creation of life, no matter how easy it is for you to have a baby. No matter what we plan or how we plan it, we have to rest everything in Gods hands.

Ultimately, it’s ok if things aren’t working out as planned. We have trust in something so much greater then us. And more importantly, “perfect” is in the eye of the beholder! Instead of sulking in pity for yourself, use the opportunity you have been given in a positive way.

Once I was able to finally give up this control over my whole situation, I did get pregnant.  My doctor advised that I should give my body a rest after my 2nd miscarriage and we agreed with him. We were wiped out, emotionally, physically, mentally. I didn’t want to risk another loss and let down. And that was it. So of course, God put a little baby in my womb a few days later, and I was shocked to find out that I was pregnant. I am 26weeks pregnant now, and taking each day as it comes. 
It’s sad to say that after all of this, it’s so difficult to be happy and excited. I just know that anything is possible and life is not in my hands. Regardless, I am so grateful for my difficulties, for the things that bring me to absolute humility, because it makes me appreciate what I do have so much more. My beautiful family, my loving husband, my crazy toddler, all of it! And when I do hold this new baby in my arms, I will appreciate the moments I am given even more! 

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